Tag: working mom

Is Business Travel Easier in a Split Family?

I don’t travel much for my job at Microsoft but as I’m heading to Minneapolis to attend this year’s Grace Hopper Celebration Conference, I’m feeling grateful for one of the few benefits of having a split family: the flexibility to travel worry free.

I share custody with my kids’ dad.  While I’m at the conference, focused on learning, networking and recharging my batteries, I won’t be worried about my kids because they are in great hands.  And they are literally at home.  Since their dad handles things just fine on his own all the time, the routine isn’t even that out of the ordinary.

My son has Autism so changing the routine can be especially difficult for him.  We plan these trips well in advance, put the information on the family calendar as well as our shared Outlook calendar that my son can see on his phone.  When he knows what’s coming, he can anticipate the change in the routine and handle it quite well.  As he headed to his Dad’s after school yesterday with our babysitter, OFF our normal Monday schedule, he sent me a text message, “Have a good time on your vacation.”  🙂  He knows the routine is different.  He knows why.  And he’s just fine.

It’s not always easy for spilt families to get along.  And things aren’t always coming up roses for us either.  But one thing we’ve never argued about is knowing that we need to do what is best for our kids.  Part of this is a fundamental understanding that supporting one another in our careers is one big way that we can do what is best for our kids.

Two weeks ago, my ex-husband had a business trip AND needed to be in a wedding in another state.  We give each other advance notice.  We adjust the schedule.  The kids stay stable in their home and school routines and we are able to do the things we need to do for work and even our personal lives.  It works.  Sure, I could get help from other family members in a pinch but since being with their dad is also being at home for my kids, it’s the best option for them, which makes it the best option for me.

How do we keep track of all of these exceptions in the schedule?  Outlook Calendar.  I keep a calendar that I share with the kids AND our babysitter.  I share appointments with my ex that show what day the kids are with him, what day they are with me, and any other appointments related to the kids.  He can see all of these appointments in his work calendar, his single calendar.  We’re always looking at the same calendar and it helps keep things straight.

As I travel this week, it will cause OTHER exceptions to the weekly routine.  My husband is traveling with me (ANOTHER bonus!) so he won’t be going to guitar lessons with my son this week.  We’ve updated that appointment in the calendar to say “No Guitar Lesson / Jeff is out of town”.  This will serve as a reminder to the babysitter and will also remind my son of the change, making it easier for him to handle it that day.

 

So if things aren’t this smooth in your world, I highly recommend making changes so you can find this same level of flexibility and coordination with your ex.  It will help get both parents focused on a common goal:  stability and predictability for the kids AND it will let you both focus on your careers or whatever personal goals you’re working on.  Happy parents = happy kids.  Isn’t that what we’re all working for anyway?

Use the Calendar to Start New Routines

With a new school year starting, I had 2 things I wanted to somehow fit into the day for both me and my son:  Getting consistent exercise by walking the dog AND just getting some quality time with my son.  Because he has Autism, he doesn’t really talk much.  He mostly sends me text messages when he really needs to communicate something.  Over the summer, he was at an outdoor camp with OutdoorsForAll, getting tons of exercise AND because I needed to take him each morning, we had time in the car to spend together.  Though we don’t really talk during that time, somehow a connection is built and I’ve seen that slip away over the course of a school year when we don’t have time like this to spend with each other each day.

So we set up a new routine to address both time together AND exercise.  We’re on our second week and it all started by putting this in his Outlook calendar.  We agreed to walk the dogs every morning from 6:45 to 7:15am.  Because it’s in his calendar, he gets up and is ready to go by then.  He’s just wired this way and I’m convinced this will be the key to him being independent and holding a job as an adult.  While it’s hard to get up a little earlier each morning, I’m loving the time we get to spend together each day.  And it’s a great habit to teach him for his life now and well into his future.

Family Dinner: Turning A Chore Back Into A Hobby

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What’s for dinner?

This question can add stress to the end of a very long day.  And if you don’t have a great answer to that question, it can leave you feeling even worse.

I happen to enjoy cooking.  So when did this become such a chore?!  When I have the right ingredients on hand, putting a fabulous, healthy meal in front of my family gives me a boost and makes me feel good.  So I decided to make this, along with  the meal planning that goes with it, part of my routine.  It’s something I need to spend time on anyway.  Why not do this chore in a way that’s much more fun and enjoyable?  And if this can make the week run smoother, even better!

Every weekend, typically on a lazy Saturday morning before the activities of the day take over, I spend time with the latest edition of Cooking Light Magazine and some favorite cookbooks to plan my meals for the week.  As I pick out my recipes, I do 2 things:

1. Add the name of the dinner I’ve chosen into my Outlook calendar.  Or you can just write it into the family calendar on your wall.  It may seem a bit silly to write it into the calendar but once the busy week gets underway, you’d be amazed at how quickly you forget the great plan you made the weekend prior.

2. Capture all of the ingredients in OneNote.  I’ve got a shopping list page in a OneNote notebook that I share with my husband (more on that later).  Over time, I’ve organized this list to match the order that I roll through the store in.  I keep a lot of the typical items in the list like milk, eggs and apples so I remember to restock that stuff but it allows me to also remember the unique things for the recipes I’ve chosen.

From there, the plan is set and the weekend agenda can take over like it usually does.  Often getting the actual grocery shopping done can be tough in between all of the kids activities and time spent with friends.  This is where having the list in OneNote is super handy.

At the grocery store, if the list is long, my husband and I can divide and conquer.  We can both look at the list at the same time and check things off.  Since the list is ordered based on how I usually move through the store, he can start at one end while I start on the other.  We literally end up meeting in the middle.  Since I don’t have the ordering of my list perfect (yet), we both check items off the list on our phones and nothing is forgotten.

If you’re just getting started, this may feel like advanced organization.  But if you start with one meal or even just a basic shopping list, you’ll be amazed how over time, it gets easier and easier.  I’ve had random weekends where the meal planning just didn’t get done – and what a stressful week it was!

So turn cooking and meal planning back into the hobby you used to enjoy.  And reap the rewards through the rest of the week.